A Holiday Survival Guide: 5 Tips for Staying (Mostly) Sane
Ah, the holiday season.
That magical time of year when Mariah has defrosted and everyone is suddenly saying "I can't believe it's Christmas already!" and "this year has absolutely flown by. It’s getting quicker every year!"
And if your family is... let's call it "emotionally textured," the holidays can feel less like Home Alone and more like The Shining. Except the scary bit isn't Jack Nicholson, it's Auntie Elizabeth asking if you're "thinking about Ozempic."
And there you are, pretending you're absolutely fine even though your nervous system is doing the equivalent of Macaulay Culkin's face scream from Home Alone on a loop.
So let's talk survival. The kind that helps you get through December with your sanity (mostly) intact and minimal regrets about what you said after the third glass of wine.
1. Pick Two Boundaries (and Actually Defend Them)
Kevin McCallister defeated the Wet Bandits by being strategic, setting traps and protecting his territory.
You need to do the same, minus the paint cans.
Pick two topics that are OFF LIMITS this year. Not up for debate. Not up for "just asking." OFF LIMITS.
Maybe it's:
Your love life
Your body (yes, Auntie Elizabeth, Ozempic commentary included)
Your life choices
Your career
Why you're not more like your cousin who "just seems to get on with it"
You're not 15 anymore. You're Adult Kevin, with a mortgage, car keys and the right to leave whenever you want.
Practice your line now: "I'm not discussing that this year." Then change the subject or walk away. You don't owe anyone a debate.
2. You Don't Have to Be Relentlessly Cheerful
Buddy the Elf is lovely, but that level of enthusiasm is exhausting.
You don't have to smile through everything like you're being held at candy cane-point. You don't have to be all sweetness and cheer. Sometimes what you actually need is Bailey’s, boundaries and a quiet corner.
You're allowed to feel complicated things. Joy AND dread. Gratitude AND resentment. Love AND the overwhelming urge to hide in your car. You don't need to explain yourself or perform enthusiasm you don't feel.
When someone asks why you're being quiet, smile mysteriously and say you're "taking it all in."
3. You're Not Here to Save Christmas
John McClane didn't want to be at that Christmas party in Die Hard. He didn't want to save everyone. But he had to survive, so he got tactical.
(And yes, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie)
You are not here to save Christmas. You are not the emotional support human for the entire family. So find your metaphorical air vent; a quiet room, a walk around the block, the bathroom with your phone for seven uninterrupted minutes.
Internal mantras that help:
"Yippee-ki-yay" when someone asks you THE question, the one you've been dreading
"Not my circus, not my monkeys" when the family drama starts
Remember John McClane was barefoot, exhausted and surrounded by people who made everything worse.
He still made it out.
So will you.
4. Plan Your Escape Before You Arrive
Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz literally swapped countries to escape their problems in The Holiday.
You don't have to relocate to rural Surrey but the principle stands, create distance when you need it.
Set your leaving time BEFORE you arrive. Tell people: "I'm heading off at 9pm." Not negotiable. Not "we'll see how it goes." 9pm.
When 9pm comes, stand up and leave. Don't wait for permission. Don't get pulled into "just one more drink" or "but we haven't done presents yet."
You are not abandoning ship. You are honouring the commitment you made to yourself. That's called self respect.
5. Perfection Was Never The Point
Clark Griswold wanted a perfect holiday in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
Instead he got exploding trees, electrocuted cats, a SWAT team and Cousin Eddie living in an RV on the front lawn.
Perfection is not on the menu. Real life is.
Every family has a Cousin Eddie. Every holiday has a moment where someone asks, "Why would you say that out loud?"
Many people are just trying to get through December without a full emotional breakdown or saying the one sentence that blows up the entire family.
So when things get uncomfortable (and they will), pause. Take a deep breath. Pour something nice and look around at the beautiful, ridiculous mess of it all. The burnt roast. The passive-aggressive comments. Cousin Eddie in his metaphorical RV. The fact that you're still here, still standing, still (mostly) intact.
This is it. This is the holiday. Imperfect, chaotic, human.
So raise your glass and say:
"Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals."
You made it.
